What then, the burn?
of cloves
on the counter
to believe
in strength. Chew
oil until it crumbles
into dust between
Does it taste
like heart?
of foreign light
make its way
Burn hole in your tongue
eyes tongue.
the source
was clear, the sting
on your skin
between your fingers.
What if I am leaving?
What burns then?
7 comments:
You know I'm partial to short lines to begin with, but yeowza Mackenzie! I really connected with that, and the ending gave me chills (and not just the central air at work there).
A very worthy experiment indeed!
I really like this poem, love it.
I worry about this line, though:
"Burn hole in your tongue
eyes tongue."
As everything else is in conventional grammatical units, this yanks me out of the sense & music of it, without the line satisfying in the end. (You may not even need it.) (?) "Burn-hole in your tongue/ eyes tongue"? It's a weird line. Stands out
"Burn a hole in your tongue,
eye tongue." (?)
And, it's the 3rd time in the poem "burn" appears.
Omit? Reword? Shake up the other lines thusly?
It's a little thing; poem shines through.
I second lorna's comment on the "burn a hole in your tongue"-- I think it's mostly the line's length. Maybe "burn hole in / eyes tongue" Strong poem though!
wow, thanks Lorna, mary and Scott. I mean, this really was an experiment!
interesting "experiment" for you, then
good voice for you
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